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Song Details
Rank this week: 77 (↑20)
Duration: 6:56 
Release Date: 12/1/1958  (CapSuper) 
Lyrics By: Stan Freberg/Daws Butler (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Stan Freberg/Daws Butler (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By:
Released By: Capitol F 4097 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By:
Licensing: ASCAP  #370055691 
Keywords:
Reviews:
Facts:
  • Stan Freberg as Scrooge, featuring Daws Butler as Cratchet with Marvin Miller & Wil Wright, The Jud Conlon Chorale and Billy May's Music (Tim P. Ryan)
  • Stan Freberg recently said in an interview: "I listen to that now, and it's like I did it last week. I'm amazed that it holds up all these years. The interesting thing is that after that record, both Coca-Cola and Marlboro came to me to do ad campaigns. And this is after the president of Capitol, Lloyd Dunn, said, 'Well, I'll tell you one thing, Freberg. You'll never work in the advertising business again.' I was just getting started in the field." (Tim P. Ryan)
  • Song Lyrics:
    EMPLOYEE: Good morning.

    EMPLOYEE: Good morning.

    EMPLOYEE: Good morning, Mr. Scrooge

    EMPLOYEE: Morning, Mr. Scrooge

    EMPLOYEE: Morning, Mr. Scrooge!

    EMPLOYEE: Morning Mr. Scrooge!

    SCROOGE: Bah, humbug, everybody.

    CHORUS: Good morning, Mr. Scrooge!

    SCROOGE: Well, the meeting will come to order, if you please.
    Are all the advertising people represented here?

    CHORUS: Everyone except Amalgamated Cheese!

    SCROOGE: Well, if they're not here for the Christmas pitch,
    I can't help them find new ways of tying their product in to Christmas.
    That's why I'm chairman of this board! Let's hear it for me!

    CHORUS: Hear, hear!

    SCROOGE: All right, Abercrombie, what are your people up to?

    ABERCROMBIE: Ahhh, same thing as every year.
    Fifty thousand billboards showing Santa Claus pausing to refresh himself with our product.

    SCROOGE: Mmmmm, hmmm, well, I think the public has come to expect that and . . .

    ABERCROMBIE: That's right. It's become tradition!

    SCROOGE: Fine, fine. You there, Crass, uhh, I suppose your company's running the usual magazine ads showing cartons of your cigarettes peeking out of the top of Santa's sack?

    CRASS: Better than that. This year we have him smoking one.

    SCROOGE: Um-hmmm...

    CRASS: Yes. We've got Santa a little more rugged, too.
    Both sleeves rolled up and a tattoo on each arm. One of 'em says "Merry Christmas."

    SCROOGE: What does the other one say?

    CRASS: "Less tars!"

    SCROOGE: Great stuff!

    CRATCHIT: But Mr. Scrooge...

    SCROOGE: What? Who are you?

    CRATCHIT: Bob Cratchit, sir. I've got a little spice company over in East Orange, New Jersey. Do I have to tie my product in to Christmas?

    SCROOGE: What do you mean?

    CRATCHIT: Well, I was just going to send cards out showing
    the three wise men following the Star of Bethlehem...

    SCROOGE: I get it! And they're bearing your spices. Now, that's perfect!

    CRATCHIT: No, no... no product in it. I was just going to say, "Peace on Earth... Good Will Toward Men."

    MAN: Well, that's a peculiar slogan!

    SCROOGE: Old hat, Cratchit! That went out with button shoes! You're a businessman . . . Christmas is something to take advantage of!

    SCROOGE: A red and green bandwagon to jump on!

    SCROOGE: A sentimental shot in the arm for sales! Listen!

    CHORUS: Deck the halls with advertising,
    Fa la la la la la la la la.
    While you can be enterprising,
    Fa la la la la la la la la.
    On the fourth day of Christmas,
    My true love gave to me
    Four bars of soap,
    Three cans of peas,
    Two breakfast foods,
    And some toothpaste on a pear tree!
    On the fifth day of Christmas,
    My true love gave to me. . .

    SCROOGE: Five tube-less tires!

    CHORUS: Fo-ur quarts of gin,
    Three ci-gars,
    Two cig-ar-ettes,
    And some hair tonic on a pear tree!
    Chestnuts roasting. . .

    ANNOUNCER: Say, Mother, as sure as there's an X in Christmas,
    you can be sure those are Tyn-E-Tim Chestnuts roasting.
    Tyn-E-Tim Chestnuts are full-bodied . . . longer lasting!
    This visible shell (tap, tap) protects the nut! Now with X-K 29 added for people who can't roast after every meal.

    GIRL TRIO: Tyn-E-Tim! Tyn-E-Tim! Chest-nuts all the way!

    ANNOUNCER: Tyn-E-Tim's roast hot... like a chestnut ought! And...they are
    (ECHO) mild, mild, mild, mild.

    CHORUS: Deck the halls with advertising,
    Fa la la la la la la la la.
    'Tis the time for merchandising,
    Fa la la la la la la la la.
    Profit never needs a reason,
    Fa la la la la la la la la.
    Get the money, it's the season,
    Fa la la la la la la la la.

    SCROOGE: Words to live by, Cratchit!

    CRATCHIT: Ahhh, for you, maybe.
    Can't you just wish someone merry Christmas..for the pure joy of doing it?

    SCROOGE: Why? What's the percentage in that?
    Let me show you how to make Christmas work for you!

    CHORUS: We wish you a merry Christmas,
    We wish you a merry Christmas,
    We wish you a merry Christmas,
    And please buy our beer!

    SCROOGE: There you go, Cratchit! That's Christmas with a purpose.

    CRATCHIT: I know, but wait a minute.
    Don't you guys make enough profit the other eleven months?
    Christmas comes but once a year.

    SCROOGE: Humph! Funny thing you should bring that up.
    That's exactly the point I was about to make. Hit it, boys!

    SCROOGE: Christmas comes but once a year,
    So you better make hay while the snow is falling
    That's opportunity calling you!

    CHORUS: Rub your hands, December's here
    What a wonderful time to be glad and merry!

    SCROOGE: But just so you're mercenary too!

    CHORUS: Buy an ad and show all the toys
    Show all the toys up on the shelf

    SCROOGE: Just make sure that you get a plug,
    You get a plug, in for yourself!

    SCROOGE AND CHORUS:
    Christmas comes but once a year,
    So you better cash in
    While the spirit lingers
    It's slipping through your fingers, boy!
    Don't you realize
    Christmas can be such a
    Monetary joy!

    CRATCHIT: Well, I guess you fellows will never change.

    SCROOGE: Why should we? Christmas has two "s"'s in it, and they're both dollar signs.

    CRATCHIT: Yeah, but they weren't there to begin with.

    SCROOGE: Eh?

    CRATCHIT: The people keep hoping you'll remember. But you never do.

    SCROOGE: Remember what?

    CRATCHIT: Whose birthday we're celebrating.

    SCROOGE: Well, .......don't get me wrong.
    The story of Christmas, in its simplicity, is a good thing - I'll buy that. It's just that we know a good thing when we see it.

    CRATCHIT: But don't you realize Christmas has a significance; a meaning.

    SCROOGE: A sales curve! Wake up, Cratchit, it's later than you think.

    CRATCHIT: I know, Mr. Scrooge, I know.

    CHORUS: On the first day of Christmas,
    The advertising's there, with
    Newspaper ads
    Billboards too
    Business Christmas cards
    And commercials on a pear tree...
    Jingles here, jingles there,
    Jingles all the way
    Dashing through the snow
    In a fifty-foot coup-e
    O'er the fields we go
    Selling all the way...
    Deck the halls with advertising
    What's the use of compromising
    Fa la la la la la la la la.
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
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    Current Rating 9.7 (5 votes)
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