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Song Details
Rank this week: 71 (↑2)
Duration: 2:37 
Release Date: 1987  (sav-man) 
Lyrics By: C. W. Kalb, Jr. (sav-man) 
Music By: C. W. Kalb, Jr. (sav-man) 
Produced By: Ray Stevens (sav-man) 
Released By: MCA Records (sav-man) 
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  • From Ray's 1987 album CRACKIN' UP. (sav-man)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Doctor doctor, have mercy on me (Have mercy)
    Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease
    You doctors, you get all the breaks
    You get to bury your mistakes!
    Doctor, have mercy on me

    Well, the cruelest thing that was ever invented
    Came out of a mind that was truly demented
    It's a little old thing they call the 'proctoscope'
    I said, "A little old thing, that ain't exactly right."
    'Cause it's a three-foot piece of galvanized pipe!
    Make a sedentary middle-aged man out-jump an antelope

    Heaven knows what goes on in their minds
    Why, some of those doctors think they're divine
    'Bout one half-step down from the man upstairs
    They can't walk on water or part the sea
    But I had one that separated me from my gall bladder
    And every penny of money I made for the last six years!

    Doctor doctor, have mercy on me (Have mercy)
    Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease
    The practice of medicine is a must
    But must you always practice on us?
    Doctor, have mercy on me

    They make you wait in their office for hours on end
    While they drive into the club in their Mercedes-Benz
    That you paid for with your hemorrhoid-ectomy
    And those little gowns they give you got no back at all
    And they'd be too short if you were three feet tall
    I tell you it's just a plot to strip you of your pride and dignity

    Strip down nekkid, boy! Cough and sneeze!
    Jump up on that table on your hands and knees!
    Now, there's not another person in the world you'd do that for
    But we just jump on up there like a cocker spaniel
    Like it's written somewhere in some sacred manual
    That you do everything the doctor tells you...
    Who do they think they are?

    Doctor doctor, have mercy on me (Have mercy)
    Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease
    Practicing medicine day and night
    Practice, practice, 'till you get it right!
    Doctor, have mercy on me

    I said, Doctor doctor, have mercy on me (Have mercy)
    Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease
    (JinxCat)
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