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Song Details
Rank this week: 58 (↑27)
Duration: 5:57 
Release Date: 1997  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
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Released By: Warner Bros. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
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Facts:
  • While not a parody of a certain song, this song does have a parody styling of a Bruce Springsteen type song. (czwrefsteven)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Me, I'm the Lonesome Kicker
    Extra points, field goals at your service
    One might think it comes with glory
    You might think different after you listen to my story

    My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask
    What it possibly could protect, I do not know
    The other guys on the team
    Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads
    And also like to hide the special shoe
    I need to kick in the snow

    People think it's so easy
    To kick a field goal from the 30 yard line
    They forget to add seven yards for the snap
    And 10 more 'cause the goal posts are pushed way back

    In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line
    But some of the players were running into them
    And getting hurt
    So screw the kicker
    Who cares about the kicker?

    But I kick that ball
    And I pray it goes straight
    If it does
    The coach says 'Good job, number 8'
    He doesn't even know my name is
    Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr.
    But that's the life I live
    The Lonesome Kicker

    Kickoffs can be so very scary
    Especially, if the returner breaks on through
    And I'm the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him
    I don't want to get hurt
    So I pretend to tie my shoe

    Once again, I'm ignored by my teammates and all my coaches
    'Go back where you came from!'
    Scream 70,000 fans
    Well, I know I could win their love back
    By catching a winning touch-down
    But, unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands

    And I hope that the cameras don't come in too close
    'Cause they might see the tears in my eyes
    As I sit on this bench made of cold-hearted wood
    And the splinters go deep in my thighs
    And the towel boy snickers as he walks by
    The Lonesome Kicker

    Another blocked kick
    And everybody blames me
    But it was the Left Guard
    Who didn't pick up his man
    Oh, why can't they see...

    In my home country
    I could have been a minor league soccer player
    But I came to America
    Seeking fortune and seeking fame
    I didn't realize that if I shanked one
    And blew the point spread
    Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi
    After the game

    So I go home at night
    'Cause I never get invited
    To go drinking with the other guys
    And I sit in my chair, and I soak my foot
    As I eat a plate of cold french fries
    And my wife's out with her quote-unquote friend
    And my son can't look me in the eyes
    But that's the life I live
    The Lonesome Kicker

    Kicking for you
    They took my snow shoe
    They're going for two
    (I B Emerson)
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    Current Rating 10.0 (3 votes)
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