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Song Details
Rank this week: 23 (↑19)
Duration: 4:17 
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Song Lyrics:
(phone rings, receiver is picked up)
Jethro: Ajax...AH-CHOO!
Customer: God bless ya.
Jethro: I don't need any outside help! Ajax Mortuary, where deadliness is next to Godliness.
Customer: H-hello?
Jethro: You keep sending 'em over and we'll keep putting 'em down. Way down. o/~ Way down upon the Swannee... o/~ AH-CHOO!
Customer: God bless ya.
Jethro: What you you, some sort of religious fanatic? What do you want, anyway?
Customer: I was lookin' for a funeral house.
Jethro: You're in like a porch climber! Ajax Mortuary's the name...DEATH...is the game!
Customer: Well, deal me in! My brother's dead!
Jethro: Beautiful! I love it! He's...he's not breathing, I hope.
Customer: Oh, heck, no. He quit doing that about a hour before he turned blue.
Jethro: MAGNIFICENT! How did he go?
Customer: Well, as near as we can figure, he got a hold of a bad batch of chili con carne.
Jethro: (shiver) That CAN be lethal.
Customer: Boy, it sure turned HIS light off, I guarantee ya.
Jethro: AH-CHOO!
Customer: God bless ya.
Jethro: Uh,...he was insured, of course...
Customer: I don't know if he had a "Piece of the Rock" or not.
Jethro: I...I realize that, at times like these, it's a...it's a real bummer to discuss finances.
Customer: Don't worry 'bout it, partner. He's dead n' somebody's gotta pick up the "slab tab". I'll get that money if I gotta kill somebody.
Jethro: Oh! Now, you're talking!
Customer: Well, he's my brother. Y'know, I gotta stand good for 'im.
Jethro: Yes.
Customer: My whole family's that way: straight arrow. Ain't no stiffs among us, Mister, uh...
Jethro: Mister Jethro.
Customer: Oh?
Jethro: Cornelius Jethro, 93 Death Row, at your service.
Customer: (laugh) You sound like you really dig your work.
Jethro: Well, as I always say, "You don't have to smoke and drink to have fun." By the way, where IS your brother?
Customer: Ol' Arnie? I stuffed him in the freezer so he wouldn't spoil on ya.
Jethro: My, that was thoughtful of you. But he IS dead...
Customer: Oh, he's gone.
Jethro: Gone.
Customer: Gone.
Jethro: Gone!
Customer: Gone to the great chili parlor in the sky.
Jethro: o/~ All around the chili beans/In the chili con carne/'Round the rancid hamburg/POP goes ol' Arnie! o/~
Customer: (laughs) I'll tell ya, ol' Arnie, he'd've dug that!
Jethro: AH-CHOO!
Customer: Well, listen, I'm running real short on cabbage, y'know what I mean? What's the lowest you'll go? I mean, wh-what's the lowest you'll put a guy down for?
Jethro: Eighty-nine-fifty, we'll put him down. Way down. o/~ Way down South in the land of cot-... o/~ AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO!
Customer: Go-God bless ya.
Jethro: What did you say?
Customer: I said, "God bless ya."
Jethro: You're not some sort of priest, are you?
Customer: No. No. Look, now, this "eighty-nine-fifty" job, how's that work? You come pick 'im up?
Jethro: Well, we have been awfully busy. Things HAVE been piling up.
Customer: Well, as stiff as that sucker is, I guess it wouldn't be no trick to balance 'im on the back of my Honda. I'll just...I'll just...I'll just tie 'im on with some bailing wire. I guess I should be able to get 'im down there before he thaws. Where're you at again?
Jethro: 93 Death Row. We'll be expecting you.
Customer: Okay.
Jethro: Thank you and good-bye. (hangs up receiver) Sebastian, drop whoever you're doing! We've got a LIVE one! AH-CHOO!
(ChrisWolvie)
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Current Rating 10.0 (2 votes)
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