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Song Details
Rank this week: 26 (↑35)
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Release Date: 1987  (Tim P. Ryan) 
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Facts:
  • The music you hear in the background is "Root Beer Rag" by Billy Joel from his 1974 album 'Streetlife Serenade' (Tim P. Ryan)
  • Will used 197 band and artists' names to make this story. (ChrisWolvie)
  • Song Lyrics:
    I lived on LEVEL 42 of my WADSWORTH MANSION in the FRANKIE VALLI for FOUR SEASONS, in EXILE from the GENERAL PUBLIC. It had been an ICEHOUSE lately as that MOTLEY CRUE at PACIFIC GAS & ELECTRIC hadn't been by to FIXX our CANNED HEAT or AC/DC since last DONNA SUMMER. There were MEN AT WORK on the FOUNDATIONS and BRASS CONSTRUCTION and the CARPENTERS' CUTTING CREW had removed FIVE STAIRSTEPS from our SPIRAL STAIRCASE and SPYRO GYRO is growing in through the DOORS.
    It was a CROWDED HOUSE because I had more ANIMALS than the PET SHOP BOYS. Aside from my CAT STEVENS and my "BOW WOW WOW" TOTO, I've taken in such BEASTIE BOYS as JOHN the COUGAR, EDDIE the RABBIT and ADAM the ANT. And they were FAT BOYS, too, as the MONKEES ate all my BANANARAMA, the BYRDS ate BREAD and, while the STRAY CATS drank the CREAM, my STEPPENWOLF devoured the MEAT LOAF and the TURTLES ate the AMBROSIA and PEACHES & HERB. The DEF LEPPARD was going after the GLASS TIGER and my WHITESNAKE was attacking the CHIPMUNKS who were chasing the BEATLES right into the RATT POISON when I got a STING from the SCORPIONS, WASP and killer BEE-GEES.
    YES, it was THE TIME to JOURNEY on. I was in DIRE STRAITS and there was no CURE for my MOODY BLUES and the QUIET RIOT inside me. I'd given 10CCs of BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS FOR FEARS and I wasn't sure if I was DEAD OR ALIVE, although I'd've been GRATEFUL DEAD. But thanks to DR. JOHN, DR. HOOK and DR. DEMENTO, I'm a SURVIVOR. But I was afraid I would become an ERIC BURDON on my MAMAS AND PAPAS, my DOOBIE BROTHERS and my TWISTED SISTER; they didn't have THE KNACK or HEART for my MADNESS.
    So I set my STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK for DAWN one "SADE" and went to see the SINGING NUN to practice my BLIND FAITH. Now I believe in GENESIS, NAZARETH, MADONNA, PETER, GABRIEL and JUDAS PRIEST and I try to rest on BLACK SABBATH...and I always wear my JESUS AND MARY CHAIN.
    My SUPREME TEMPTATION to become a DRIFTER had me in a RUSH to GO-GO! I put on my SIMPLY RED NU SHOOZ, CUFFLINKS, ZZ TOP, GOLDEN EARRING and SHOCKING BLUE CHIFFONS. But my JAMES TAYLOR said my PSYCHODELIC FURS would CLASH with my PINK FLOYD. And, although I'm usually one of the MEN WITHOUT HATS, I put on my DEEP PURPLE FOGHAT to hide my CREWCUTS. Hey, you never know when a LOVERBOY like me might RUN-DMC into a CONCRETE BLOND or IRON MAIDEN at a PROCAL HAREM.
    There was a MOONGLOW and a MIDNIGHT STAR as I set out READY FOR THE WORLD. It was a THREE DOG NIGHT in the middle of EDGAR WINTER. There was a STEEL BREEZE in the AIR SUPPLY. At no more than THREE DEGREES, it was too CHILLIWACK for the CRICKETS.
    If FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD then I could venture from the STYX to CHICAGO or KANSAS or BOSTON or ALABAMA. I could take the JEFFERSON AIRPLANE - one of THE JETS - to EUROPE to visit THE KINGSMEN and QUEEN, PRINCE and NAPOLEON XIV. Or I could take the GRAND FUNK RAILROAD from BROWNSVILLE STATION with a MANHATTAN TRANSFER to BLACK OAK, ARKANSAS. Or I could take a PABLO CRUISE past the EDISON LIGHTHOUSE to ASIA. Or I could fly a LED ZEPPELIN or IRON BUTTERFLY to BERLIN, where the NEW EDITION of the PAPER LACE has a EXPOSE on the WAR with B-52S and U2S.
    Or I could go see GRASS ROOTS AMERICA - this BIG COUNTRY - in one of the CARS at MIKE + THE MECHANICS' place. My REO SPEEDWAGON has BACHMAN-TURNER OVERDRIVE and my VAN HALEN, has a STEALER'S WHEEL. That's why the POLICE pulled "GUESS WHO" over and said, "A-HA!" My CADILLACS have STEVIE NICKS from a WHAM! And my CAPRIS' HOOTERS need work.
    Instead, I've been keeping BAD COMPANY as I joined the BLUE OYSTER CULT and was a BEACH BOY, lying on the STREI-SAND waiting for the CREDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL. Then I was a HERMAN'S HERMIT, a SUPERTRAMP, a MISSING PERSON...barely a TALKING HEAD, living off the RARE EARTH, WIND AND FIRE and drinking APRIL WINE from DIXIE CUPS, COASTERS and PLATTERS. Then I joined the HUMAN LEAGUE to learn THE UNDISPUTED TRUTH as a member of the CULTURE CLUB, CLUB NOUVEAU, the TOM TOM CLUB, the TIMEX SOCIAL CLUB...even the BREAKFAST CLUB...at least 'TIL TUESDAY.
    I live in THE MOTELS now eating ELECTRIC PRUNES and RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS and FLEETWOOD Big MACS, a PRETENDER with a SIMPLE MIND.
    And the moral of the story is: a ROLLING STONE...can sure mess up his life!!
    (ChrisWolvie)
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